It's The Small Things...

Praveen working his magic

For all of his yellow water related faults, our House Keeper Praveen is still a bit of a legend. He arrives promptly every morning at 8.45am, cleans our house from top to bottom (with the help of the actual cleaner), takes our washing to the laundrette, folds, hangs and puts away the clothes, does our shopping, tidies up and will do any odd job we ask of him. But what I love about Praveen more than anything, is the effort he puts into displaying the decorative cushions that reside on our bed, no day is ever the same! I can just see him now, deciding whether to put the small, pink, sparkly cushion diagonal or straight or wondering if it would cause offence to put two purple ones together! Whatever his thought process, he never disappoints! So you can truly appreciate the excellence of his elaborate displays I have put together a weekly diary of his creations for you to admire... I know, I have too much time on my hands!

‘Easter Sunday on a Boat’ (is the name of the song that we wrote whilst on the boat… on Easter Sunday)

Making beautiful music

Let me ask you a question. Have you ever met a real life Captain of a Ship? Well I have and he was Russian and he used to sit opposite me in my old job in Singapore! How cool is that? I used to sit opposite a Russian Captain of an actual ship! Just thought I’d share this as I have a boat related story.

On Easter Sunday we decided to hire out a boat for the day and sail around some of Mumbai’s surrounding paradise islands. Surprisingly the trip was pretty uneventful, well, that’s if you call almost being flipped out of an auto rickshaw after going over a pot hole at 50 miles per hour in Alibaug, going to see what was described as ‘the best beach in India’ and discovering it was the worst, witnessing a man hurtling towards the earth (and surely his death) on a 60 rupee a go parasailing ride which consisted of a makeshift parachute and a 4x4 jeep pulling it down a beach, being chased and flashed at by an Indian man with obvious mental problems, being told to throw all alcohol over board immediately because the Police were on their way to arrest us, then all the empty bottles not being carried away with the current and circling the boat like a big sign saying ‘they are drinking alcohol arrest them now’, the Police (with guns) arriving and boarding the boat (magically not noticing the bottles) and telling us that it was illegal to moor and play guitar on a boat in this area, then us having an argument with them telling them that was ridiculous whilst tipsy, then taking a photo of them, which made them get angrier but was the ammunition we needed to get rid of them, eventually arriving back to the Gateway of India to be shouted at by the boat driver because we didn’t give him a big enough tip (although we paid 20,000 rupees for the boat for half a day), arriving home to a group of children begging at us and when I said leave us alone the Security Guard running out of our building and beating them with a bamboo stick really hard…Uneventful then I suppose it was!

Shiver Me Timbers! What is This Olives All About Then? Ou Arrrghh…

I'm just missing an eye patch!

If one more person was going to tell me that I ‘Just had to go to Olives in Bandra on a Thursday night’ I was going to get a jar of Olives and stuff it down their throat!  I was sick of hearing about the place and because so many people had told me I should go, it made me not want to go at all as it had a lot to live up to (and it takes about 2 hours from our house to get there in stupid Mumbai traffic) But as it was Bank Holiday and Paul didn’t have to get up for work the next day, we and few others from his work decided we would go and check it out. I used my poshest English accent to reserve us a table, as apparently they can be quite difficult to secure, and it did the trick (yes, people from Birmingham can put on posh accents!). We arrived promptly at 9.30pm and even at this time it was starting to get pretty busy. We were sat outside, just before the toilets (I’m not sure why that information is important), the décor was lovely, white pebbles made up the flooring and fairy lights and candles gave it a romantic feel.  Paul ordered various sharing plates for us all to tuck into and it really was delicious, the Moscow Mule cocktail I had was out of this world and it came in a tankard! An actual tankard, I felt like a Pirate! After we finished dinner we noticed the place was heaving, it was so packed that people were starting to edge closer and closer to our table, with one girl almost parking her pert buttocks on my left over lamb chop, it was too much so we decided to head inside...

Choo Choo (as in train not Jimmy)

Me, maybe reconsidering my activity for the day!

Last week Paul’s best bud Chad came over from the UK to pay us a visit, which was amazing! As Paul had to work on the Thursday it was up to me to come up with an exciting outing, which wasn’t already on Captain Hanley’s itinerary for the following days. This wasn’t going to be easy, as Paul had made me promise I wouldn’t take him to the Fish Prison (aka Taraporewala Aquarium) and that was my number one option.  After minutes hours of wracking my brain it hit me, we were going to do the number one thing that every Indian person I have met has told me not to do, the thing that apparently would put me off India for the rest of my life (their words not mine), the thing that hundreds of Indians die doing every single year… we were going to catch a public train! Yes, you read correctly, I, Sophie Hanley got on an Indian public train! Chad, so impressed with the impending adventure, quickly changed into his brightest pink T-shirt to ensure I could spot him if we got separated, I thought the fact that he was, white, blonde and 6 ft 4 was enough, but no, he insisted. We hotfooted it over to Churchgate station, which is only a short walk from our place. As we entered we were overwhelmed by the stench of a men’s urinal, I started heaving uncontrollably, desperately looking for the nearest bin to puke up in, it was so awful, I could see everyone looking at me as if to say ‘typical’. I felt so bad as I even wore jeans to try and blend in, but to be fair I often heave if I go past a public toilet anywhere in the world! Who doesn’t?

Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole…

A paleontologist would be happy with this find!

Anyone under the age of 50 probably wouldn’t know the name of the person who sang the song ‘Feeling Hot, Hot, Hot’ however, I am more than sure that you would know the song itself (it was always played at Aunties and Uncles birthday parties/ weddings in the 80’s early 90’s and everyone would start dancing around like Cubans and pretending they had maracas? No? Just my family then.) Well today, according to my thermometer the mercury hit 101 degrees and May is supposed to be the hottest month in Mumbai by far, so it’s just going to get higher and higher! I am tremendously concerned as my air-conditioners are extremely old and should have gone out with the cassette tape, and I don’t think sticking my head in the freezer every 15 minutes is an acceptable solution- bad times!! Only good thing is, that I’m sweating so much I must have already lost half a stone in weight- good times!

(FYI the person who sang ‘Hot, Hot, Hot’ was a man called Buster Poindexter, I googled it as I am unemployed and was feeling hot… hot, hot)

Week 3- Malaria Watch

I can’t believe it! I have been so concerned with my polluted, Potassium Permanganate-less (thanks travel bug) water that I have neglected Week 3 of Malaria watch! Apologies, not only to my readers but to myself!

Week 3: Malaria Watch! : No bites present, (just scars from where I kept scratching them) I suppose now it’s a waiting game…

Phew! Glad thats back on track!

Actions Speak Louder Than Words!

What I have been showering in for the last
5 days!

Yesterday was every inch as difficult as I imagined it to be. After 20 minutes of ‘It is only a little bit yellow madame’ from Praveen, I took matters into my own hands and filled up a bucket with the contaminated tap water, (I did this so the concentration would be stronger, therefore the yellow/orange colour would be more obvious- a tip I picked up from an episode of CSI ) and stuck his head in it!... I didn’t really, but I wanted to! Within minutes of showing him my cast iron evidence the apologies started to flow and the water tank from which the water originates was emptied. Now when I come out of the shower I smell clean rather than of *!!@/$ ? rust. Result!