Don’t Report me to the RSPCA!!

Holy Cow? Skinny Cow more like

Although I have seen more cows in England in areas as big as my living room than I have in the whole of Mumbai, I have been lead to believe that they are Holy here and I have occasionally seen one or two at the roadside standing next to little old ladies washing their clothes. Before I went back home to the UK one of these little old ladies grabbed me and asked me if I wanted to feed her Cow for good luck. I had 10 rupees on me so gave it to her; in return she gave me some cardboard and urged me to feed the ‘Holy Cow’ with it. I don’t know about you but I expected to be given luscious green grass or a fresh wholesome vegetable of some sort to feed this sacred creature with, not a piece of old, brown, dirty, cardboard? At first I declined, cruelty to animals and all, but the little old lady wouldn’t take no for an answer! She ripped off a sizeable strip, stuffed it into my hand, then rammed the card board (and almost my hand) in to its mouth. ‘Thank you goodbye maam’ she said. Did I feel full of luck? No! Did I feel full of Holiness? No! Did I feel like I had just been conned out of 10 rupees by a little old lady and now the Cow God was going to unleash bad luck on me because I fed its form on earth with crappy cardboard? Absofrigginglutely!